Friday, August 11, 2006
The Real Me
You all know the feeling of confusion and bewilderment? I cannot say that these thoughts I am about to say would give you these. But I believe a large percentage of people would feel this way towards this entry.I am a good friend. I know that. I see to it that I would do anything my friends say. Sometimes to the point of sacrificing my comfort and pride. It is natural for me to do that. I feel happy about it. But now, I guess my own self has finally given up. It is like every problem shared to me by my close friends, all of those talks and advices I have given them, are all coming back to me. I never knew this would be the effect on my mental health. It is not that I am going crazy, hell no! It is just that I now carry all these negative vibes and now my heart is about to break. I can not help but cry, shout and feel bad about my own life while I help fix the lives of some problematic people. It is hard. I never thought that it would be this hard.
Look at all these pictures. You think I actually am happy just by looking at these portraits? I think my friends see me that way, a happy child. But now, I reveal to you what emotions I have. These are fear, confusion, sorrow and pain.
Posted by halee at 5:36 PM
(0) comments
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Could it be?
I have a feeling that is really awkward, these past few weeks. I am clueless why my mind has been too busy thinking...Oh,I really am ashamed to tell everybody about this right now. Well the truth is, some of my girl friends already know about this. They were the personsI trust, and I hope they would keep that trust. But today, I just have to burst it all out of my chest because I am afraid of the consequences I might encounter.Is it that unusual if I think of one person all the time, I mean every single minute? Okay, now you got an idea. Yeah. I have a crush, and I guess this is a major one. Now I really am embarrassed. I know it is normal to have one, but I am strongly against this feeling I have as of this moment.
See, I always tend to daydream, and you think I like that? NO!!!
Should I say it to this guy? Should I tell him that I have a crush on him? Oh, what the heck would I do?
I have to FORGET him! I mean it. Immediately!
Posted by halee at 4:51 PM
(0) comments
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
drastically
Isn't cool to be called "Iskolar ng Bayan"? Well for me it is far from being great. Now that I am actually one, I can testify that U.P. is a good university.Finally I have reached my wanting of studying in our state university. It was something worth considered as a fulfillment on my part. Some may be wondering why I decided to leave my former school given that it is also a good university. What I can only say is that the training I am actually getting right at this moment in my new school is totally different from what I have experienced before. I can say that so far, the way of educating the students (that is the teacher to student interaction in class) was just similar. Professors give that fearless look during the first meeting, telling the students how strict they could be and assuring the students to get the grade they deserve, which was also the case in my former school. The crowd? How different could they be? Not that different actually. Only that the campus is open to the public that means people from all walks of life roam the university. But those people who are "fashionistas" and those who are "nerds" exist also in UP.
What struck me most was the enrollment, or should I say enlistment of subjects. I have to tell you all that it was the most challenging part for all of the transfer, and also the freshmen (those who needed to line up) students. I was culture-shocked! Before in my old school, students do not have to perspire that much to get into one subject. But now, it was like a requirement for each student to be overly perspiring, smelling and toasted because if the heat. Yes my friends, we have to line up for each subject just to get in. Too bad if there are no slots left for you. Better luck on the next subject you would line up to. And guess what, not all subjects are located in one building, some are in other parts of the university! Just imagine the size of that campus. Good thing there was the UP-IKOT and UP-TOKI to help us go around. Do other universities have that? Definitely not!
Anyway, I am sure that by now, you may be asking if I am really happy with what I have now. The answer, yes. I am happy. And as long as there are people around me who would be most willing to guide, support and love me, then I believe I could survive this chapter of my life as a maturing teenager.
Posted by halee at 3:07 PM
(0) comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Battlefield
I really am sad about what is happening to me right now. There are times I feel that I have the strength to survive all life's unending challenge but most of the time, I can't help but quit. I am not saying that I am a quitter, although that made you confused I guess. It is just that, you all know the feeling of being between two decisions yet both of them are too far for you to imagine. I guess what I have learned about my standing just this day made that feeling inside me grow bigger. I can't help but to feel bad about my own accomplishments knowing that they are not enough. I cry most of the time now, especially when I pray to God. See, what He is planning for me I can't seem to understand completely. I know that this is a test that God has made so that I would become stronger as a believer, but I am only human. I make mistakes just like everybody else. I get impatient so I become mad and irritated. That's when I give up of everything.A while ago, I was standing on that battleground, thinking of all the chances I have. My dad had all his support for me. He was a fighter. That is one thing I did not get from him. While he was there trying to help me win this battle, I was there talking to myself. "Is this where I should be? Is this where my fate I shall see?" As I was asking myself these questions, tears are forming in my eyes. I know I should not let others see that I am that fragile so I kept them from falling. I breathed hard and tried to bring back all the strength within me. It was then that my dad told me about the chances I had for winning. I was in the borderline. Okay then, borderline. That's fine with me. But that was really, really hard for me to accept.
I hate losing battles. I hate to give up. But what I hate most is while in that field, I begin to be stagnant and all my enemies take advantage. I hate to say that I am not a good soldier, but that's what I really am.
I am sorry God for being one. Help me to change so that when you put me to another war I could definitely withstand the pressure.
But for now Lord, while in this present battlefield, may I find Your will to be what's best for me. Amen.
Posted by halee at 3:29 PM
(0) comments
Monday, April 17, 2006
"...and I'm back!"
Life up in Baguio was great! I think I am beginning to convince myself of moving there not only of its cold climate, but the house we get to live in. Well actually it is not our house. Its a privelege Dad got from being a Manager in PNOC-EDC. So to all of my friends, that clears out your thinking of us being rich people!There a lot of things I want to share! I hope you are all expecting this to be "groovy"!C:
~ Dad was in Iran so he was not with us during the first few days which includes on our way to Baguio and inside the city itself. He just arrived during our 3rd day we were there, but it was okay because we get to bond with him during our last days.
~ During our trip to Baguio, we had our first bad experience. We were two vehicles, our REVO and our DMAX. We were driving smoothly, except the way one of my Tito drives! Trust me, it was very frightening! But it was not his fault fortunately that our REVO got hit by a HUNDAI GRACE! All the vehicles had already stopped including us. My best cousin, who was sitting at the back of the car, said that she saw the GRACE speeding its way towards them and finally ending up hitting our REVO at the rear. Then that was the beginning of an unexpected hassle we had. We went to the police, Mom talked with the other party, and finally it was settled. Sigh, that was really a lesson for my Tito, right?
~ But no! Na-ah! Tito still drove adnormally! The heck with that??
~ oOOooh! This conversation was good!
Tita: (seemingly shouting) Akin na nga ang lisensya mo! Tignan ko!
Mr. Nakabangga samin: (looking really pissed off) 'Wag niyo naman ho akong pagtataasan ng boses! Pare-pareho lang tayong na-ano!
Tita: Aba! Bakit? Sino ba ang nakaperwisyo? 'Di ba ikaw? May karapatan kaming magalit! Ano gusto mo, matuwa kami na binangga mo kami?
Mr. Nakabangga samin: (shoked to say anything)
Hoooo!!! Go Tita! I loved that! For your information, I, my brother and my two other cousins were really shocked of what that Mr. said and we are wanting to tell him to shut up!
~ Some of our conversations are, I admit, very offensive to others so I would not mention it here anymore. But some of the memorable words I would like to share are GARDENIA, BANGKAY, BAUL, JJ, JOMA, TOOT...which are all pertaining to two persons. It's up to you all to find out who. My cousins would understand these words, right Tricia, Bea?
~ Because Dad was not there to guide us in our sight-seeing during our first days, we hired a tourist guide. His name was CACAY BALTAZAR. If anyone of you would be going to Baguio, not knowing what sites are good to visit, hire him! I just don't know his number. But you could look for him in Botanical Garden. *wink*
~ Buying things like souvenirs, food and echebureches, was also fun! I get to have new stuffso I guess it was a good experience.
~ And these are some good picturesI got using my very own beloved camera!
Sorry but that would be all as uploading all of them takes too much of my time. I'll try to show more of oue pictures some other time.
Well do you see why I am too excited to be in Baguio?
:)
I guess not.
Posted by halee at 2:29 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
The Two Girls
Today, Trisha and I launch our new blogspot.Please take a moment of your time to visit our new site!:)
Also, please be notified that it is still under construction so changes would be gradual.
Thank you!
Click here!
Posted by halee at 3:42 PM
(0) comments
Monday, April 10, 2006
Don't Mind Me
Click here and sing my favorite song!Rest of My Life - Unwritten Law
Am I the only one that feels alone
Though, all is home
Emotions flow
Am I the only one that hears the tears run down my face
Would anybody recognize at all
Cause I know
I'm so slow
But I'm tryin
And I'm still dyin to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my
Life's the only thing that deals the pain
Like pouring rain down
Breeding hate
And I don't wanna do no wrong
My God, it's been so long
Please comfort me
Before I go insane
Cause I know
I'm so slow
But I'm tryin
And I'm still dyin to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my life
I know
I'm so slow
But I'm trying
And I'm still dying to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my life
the rest of my life, na na na na na na na na na na
I'm so slow
But i'm tryin
And i'm still dyin to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my
I can't have you leave for the rest of my
Say you won't leave for the rest of my life