Halee's Metamorphosis

The Real Me

2006-08-11T17:36:00.000+08:00

You all know the feeling of confusion and bewilderment? I cannot say that these thoughts I am about to say would give you these. But I believe a large percentage of people would feel this way towards this entry.

I am a good friend. I know that. I see to it that I would do anything my friends say. Sometimes to the point of sacrificing my comfort and pride. It is natural for me to do that. I feel happy about it. But now, I guess my own self has finally given up. It is like every problem shared to me by my close friends, all of those talks and advices I have given them, are all coming back to me. I never knew this would be the effect on my mental health. It is not that I am going crazy, hell no! It is just that I now carry all these negative vibes and now my heart is about to break. I can not help but cry, shout and feel bad about my own life while I help fix the lives of some problematic people. It is hard. I never thought that it would be this hard.

Look at all these pictures. You think I actually am happy just by looking at these portraits? I think my friends see me that way, a happy child. But now, I reveal to you what emotions I have. These are fear, confusion, sorrow and pain.

Could it be?

2006-08-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

I have a feeling that is really awkward, these past few weeks. I am clueless why my mind has been too busy thinking...Oh,I really am ashamed to tell everybody about this right now. Well the truth is, some of my girl friends already know about this. They were the personsI trust, and I hope they would keep that trust. But today, I just have to burst it all out of my chest because I am afraid of the consequences I might encounter.

Is it that unusual if I think of one person all the time, I mean every single minute? Okay, now you got an idea. Yeah. I have a crush, and I guess this is a major one. Now I really am embarrassed. I know it is normal to have one, but I am strongly against this feeling I have as of this moment.

See, I always tend to daydream, and you think I like that? NO!!!

Should I say it to this guy? Should I tell him that I have a crush on him? Oh, what the heck would I do?

I have to FORGET him! I mean it. Immediately!

drastically

2006-06-21T15:07:00.000+08:00

Isn't cool to be called "Iskolar ng Bayan"? Well for me it is far from being great. Now that I am actually one, I can testify that U.P. is a good university.

Finally I have reached my wanting of studying in our state university. It was something worth considered as a fulfillment on my part. Some may be wondering why I decided to leave my former school given that it is also a good university. What I can only say is that the training I am actually getting right at this moment in my new school is totally different from what I have experienced before. I can say that so far, the way of educating the students (that is the teacher to student interaction in class) was just similar. Professors give that fearless look during the first meeting, telling the students how strict they could be and assuring the students to get the grade they deserve, which was also the case in my former school. The crowd? How different could they be? Not that different actually. Only that the campus is open to the public that means people from all walks of life roam the university. But those people who are "fashionistas" and those who are "nerds" exist also in UP.

What struck me most was the enrollment, or should I say enlistment of subjects. I have to tell you all that it was the most challenging part for all of the transfer, and also the freshmen (those who needed to line up) students. I was culture-shocked! Before in my old school, students do not have to perspire that much to get into one subject. But now, it was like a requirement for each student to be overly perspiring, smelling and toasted because if the heat. Yes my friends, we have to line up for each subject just to get in. Too bad if there are no slots left for you. Better luck on the next subject you would line up to. And guess what, not all subjects are located in one building, some are in other parts of the university! Just imagine the size of that campus. Good thing there was the UP-IKOT and UP-TOKI to help us go around. Do other universities have that? Definitely not!

Anyway, I am sure that by now, you may be asking if I am really happy with what I have now. The answer, yes. I am happy. And as long as there are people around me who would be most willing to guide, support and love me, then I believe I could survive this chapter of my life as a maturing teenager.

Battlefield

2006-05-25T15:29:00.000+08:00

I really am sad about what is happening to me right now. There are times I feel that I have the strength to survive all life's unending challenge but most of the time, I can't help but quit. I am not saying that I am a quitter, although that made you confused I guess. It is just that, you all know the feeling of being between two decisions yet both of them are too far for you to imagine. I guess what I have learned about my standing just this day made that feeling inside me grow bigger. I can't help but to feel bad about my own accomplishments knowing that they are not enough. I cry most of the time now, especially when I pray to God. See, what He is planning for me I can't seem to understand completely. I know that this is a test that God has made so that I would become stronger as a believer, but I am only human. I make mistakes just like everybody else. I get impatient so I become mad and irritated. That's when I give up of everything.

A while ago, I was standing on that battleground, thinking of all the chances I have. My dad had all his support for me. He was a fighter. That is one thing I did not get from him. While he was there trying to help me win this battle, I was there talking to myself. "Is this where I should be? Is this where my fate I shall see?" As I was asking myself these questions, tears are forming in my eyes. I know I should not let others see that I am that fragile so I kept them from falling. I breathed hard and tried to bring back all the strength within me. It was then that my dad told me about the chances I had for winning. I was in the borderline. Okay then, borderline. That's fine with me. But that was really, really hard for me to accept.

I hate losing battles. I hate to give up. But what I hate most is while in that field, I begin to be stagnant and all my enemies take advantage. I hate to say that I am not a good soldier, but that's what I really am.

I am sorry God for being one. Help me to change so that when you put me to another war I could definitely withstand the pressure.

But for now Lord, while in this present battlefield, may I find Your will to be what's best for me. Amen.

"...and I'm back!"

2006-04-17T14:29:00.000+08:00

Life up in Baguio was great! I think I am beginning to convince myself of moving there not only of its cold climate, but the house we get to live in. Well actually it is not our house. Its a privelege Dad got from being a Manager in PNOC-EDC. So to all of my friends, that clears out your thinking of us being rich people!

There a lot of things I want to share! I hope you are all expecting this to be "groovy"!C:

~ Dad was in Iran so he was not with us during the first few days which includes on our way to Baguio and inside the city itself. He just arrived during our 3rd day we were there, but it was okay because we get to bond with him during our last days.

~ During our trip to Baguio, we had our first bad experience. We were two vehicles, our REVO and our DMAX. We were driving smoothly, except the way one of my Tito drives! Trust me, it was very frightening! But it was not his fault fortunately that our REVO got hit by a HUNDAI GRACE! All the vehicles had already stopped including us. My best cousin, who was sitting at the back of the car, said that she saw the GRACE speeding its way towards them and finally ending up hitting our REVO at the rear. Then that was the beginning of an unexpected hassle we had. We went to the police, Mom talked with the other party, and finally it was settled. Sigh, that was really a lesson for my Tito, right?

~ But no! Na-ah! Tito still drove adnormally! The heck with that??

~ oOOooh! This conversation was good!

Tita: (seemingly shouting) Akin na nga ang lisensya mo! Tignan ko!
Mr. Nakabangga samin: (looking really pissed off) 'Wag niyo naman ho akong pagtataasan ng boses! Pare-pareho lang tayong na-ano!
Tita: Aba! Bakit? Sino ba ang nakaperwisyo? 'Di ba ikaw? May karapatan kaming magalit! Ano gusto mo, matuwa kami na binangga mo kami?
Mr. Nakabangga samin: (shoked to say anything)

Hoooo!!! Go Tita! I loved that! For your information, I, my brother and my two other cousins were really shocked of what that Mr. said and we are wanting to tell him to shut up!

~ Some of our conversations are, I admit, very offensive to others so I would not mention it here anymore. But some of the memorable words I would like to share are GARDENIA, BANGKAY, BAUL, JJ, JOMA, TOOT...which are all pertaining to two persons. It's up to you all to find out who. My cousins would understand these words, right Tricia, Bea?

~ Because Dad was not there to guide us in our sight-seeing during our first days, we hired a tourist guide. His name was CACAY BALTAZAR. If anyone of you would be going to Baguio, not knowing what sites are good to visit, hire him! I just don't know his number. But you could look for him in Botanical Garden. *wink*

~ Buying things like souvenirs, food and echebureches, was also fun! I get to have new stuffso I guess it was a good experience.

~ And these are some good picturesI got using my very own beloved camera!

Bea (my cousin) and Halee (me) at PMA

The ever famous "lion".

My two cute cousins, Zophia and Mikaella

With Hanna Lim and my brother

Zophia and the horse

Botanical Garden

My Best Friend (who is also my best cousin)

My mom and I at SM

PMA freaks

My brother with my Tito who drives really fast

The fire place.

Sorry but that would be all as uploading all of them takes too much of my time. I'll try to show more of oue pictures some other time.

Well do you see why I am too excited to be in Baguio?

:)

I guess not.

The Two Girls

2006-04-11T15:42:00.000+08:00

Today, Trisha and I launch our new blogspot.

Please take a moment of your time to visit our new site!:)

Also, please be notified that it is still under construction so changes would be gradual.

Thank you!

Click here!

Don't Mind Me

2006-04-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

Click here and sing my favorite song!

Rest of My Life - Unwritten Law

Am I the only one that feels alone
Though, all is home
Emotions flow
Am I the only one that hears the tears run down my face
Would anybody recognize at all

Cause I know
I'm so slow
But I'm tryin
And I'm still dyin to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my

Life's the only thing that deals the pain
Like pouring rain down
Breeding hate
And I don't wanna do no wrong
My God, it's been so long
Please comfort me
Before I go insane

Cause I know
I'm so slow
But I'm tryin
And I'm still dyin to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my life

I know
I'm so slow
But I'm trying
And I'm still dying to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my life

the rest of my life, na na na na na na na na na na

I'm so slow
But i'm tryin
And i'm still dyin to know
Say you won't leave for the rest of my
I can't have you leave for the rest of my
Say you won't leave for the rest of my life

I Just Can't Wait

2006-04-10T14:29:00.000+08:00

It's monday today! One day left and we're off to Baguio! I just can't wait to be with my relatives again!:)

My New Photo Slide Show

2006-04-07T18:10:00.000+08:00

hi everyone! love it or not, this is my new photo slide show:)

nice right?

hihi:p

A Great Success

2006-04-06T18:12:00.000+08:00

For the past weeks, I have tasted the morbidness of professors. They have allowed us, their students, to suffer while seeing our friends from other schools experience heaven while in their vacation. Well I don't blame the teachers actually, I blame the system of our school! Tell me, why did they ever think of having DLSU as being trimestral? Whatever has gotten into their minds has got to be something unthinkable. Anyway, I'm still thankful we're not quarterly. If that ever happened to us, then I'd have to die.

Forgive me of my emotional introduction. That was just a product of the freedom I have now tasted as I ended my finals this day. It was a blessing for me because in each test I took, I was able to finish it at the right time (most of the time ahead of others). Because of this, I tried to check my answers which I would find others to be wrong so I would change it to best answers then that would make me feel confident about them. I am eager to say that all the tests I took this finals week are on the easy level. I guess everything that I have studied were the ones in the exam so I didn't feel nervous. But I don't expect too much on having a high grade. As what Maggy said, it's better to be pessimistic sometimes than to expect something great that would not happen.

I just want to make myself hate PE because we have to dance in the Yuchengco Hall, wearing dresses which I totally abhor, and high heels. It would be this Saturday. I hate dancing tango. Actually what we usually know about how tango is danced is totally different from what we have learned in class. I don't understand why we have to experience dancing ballroom dances in college when in the future, all we have to do is compute for interest rates and equillibrium income (for eco majors like me)! I'd rather dance boogie than tango! I LOVE SIR RONDA! hihi:p

By Wednesday, my family, which includes my cousins, my aunties and their husbands, and of course my grandmother, and I would be going to Baguio. It would be an exciting trip for me because I get to bond withmy family again. It's sad though because my dad would be joining us later as he would be in Iran for a couple of days. But the point is he would still be there so it's okay. I know Baguio is somewhat a normal place for some but it definitely is a place where lots of my memories were set. I love staying in our house there, provided by dad's company. Actually we stay there more than we go outside to view tourist spots.

Oops, I have to go! I didn't realize that I have written so much in here! At least I get to pay off this late update.

'Till next writing!

Gotta blast!

Bad day today

2006-02-20T18:22:00.000+08:00

It has been a bad day today because of an event in relsone that challenged my entire identity. I didn't know that it was that difficult to fight for what I believe in. It was very hard to accept all the ridicules that they have thrown against me and my belief. I could only wish that they would soon accept who I am in reality and realize that it was a sensitive issue for me. I just need to live my life as to what I am believing and will always believe in. I just do not want to contradict all my faith with my actions. Especially considering it was only for a grade in one floating subject. I wish they would all understand that what had transpired shaked me and begun in me some reflection that truly, they have been missing one important aspect in their life. How I wish I could share to them what I know. Then they would feel protected and secured. Only I do not know how. I mean, how to start the issue at hand. I pray that I would eventually and quickly.

i am perfectly well, now that i'm 17!

2006-02-19T12:56:00.000+08:00

the biggest day of my entire life as of now, was when i turned 17. why? well except from the fact that i could now relate to the song by mandy moore (which is a joke for your information), i could now wait for a year to be of legal age! yes! i could only wish for that day. but for now, all i have to do is to patiently wait.

my birthday went well. for all of you out there to know, i love it when people greet me. i would count all the greetings i have received and reflect upon the number i got. then, i would know that those were the real friends i have. :)

well, that was another joke. sorry but i can't help to be happy now that i'm 17. and that fact that it's sunday! okay, that has no connection to what i am saying...

aside from my birthday, last week was a hectic schedule for all of us in la salle. it was our midterms so anyone could expect the chapel overflowing with hypocrits! well i'm not one of them, i have proof!

econtwo test was the best one! best in terms of the gravity of its difficulty. it was really, really, really hard!!! it had two parts and both was equally difficult.

kaspil1 test was a memorable one. this is what made it very inspiring for me:

1.) i sat against the wall.
2.) the wind was blowing so hard that it made the window on top of me swing inwardly, just on top of my head! imagine that! if i had not been engrossed with answering the test, i would definitely be hit by that window! argh!!!
3.) an insect was crawling on my feet. it was a "lalaw-puwit" as what my dad call it. eeewww!!!

now tell me, wasn't it that fun??

last thing that happened to me last week was my two dates with my best cousin. the first one was quite boring because we just went together on the way home. (my cousin is very picky when it comes to public transportation. she doesn't want to ride the jeepney nor the train because according to her, those vehicles are overflowing with people! could you believe that?) the second one was actually funny. she asked me if we could stroll the mall just to have some fun. i said yes, regardless of the fact that i have no money! i went there via train while she via fx. of course i arrived there first. i waited for half an hour for her in front of cinnabon. then we ate shawarma. (okay, i have 50 php so i could afford that)

so because of the fact that we don't have enough money to satisfy our thirst for spending, she called her mom and fortunately, her mom came. then my mom and dad, knowing that i don't have money, called and told me that we could go to mannhan (correct my spelling please) or luk yuen and order anything we like. they would pay for it. now you could tell that that was the part i got excited!

we did not eat there. we ate at rai rai ken. from chinese food, to japanese food. :) then we saw a movie. mom and dad, after informing us that they were about to have a date together, watched pink panther, while tita, cuz and i watched fun with dick and jane. it was the best "gala" ever!

you could tell that my week was full of fun memories. and i hope you liked my life.

finally an update!

2006-02-13T18:29:00.000+08:00

oh my!!! it was like decades (well, that's an exaggeration) since i've updated this blog! i was too busy that i forgot about updating! anyway, on to what happened with my life for the past months:

1.) halloween was not that bad. we went to the cemetery, no big deal!

2.) christmas was also normal. noche buena, gifts, the usual stuff...:)

3.) new year...ditto.

4.) one thing i would like to bring up is the chorale thing i joined in school. i joined the chorale and i finally quit practicing just recently last week. first, i am not happy with it anymore. second, it complicates my studying. third, my parents are being tortured with picking me from school with times ranging from 8-10 pm. can you believe that? super late! imagine me! i can't study when i get home, obviously. off to bed i immediately go!

5.) my birthday is tomorrow! my mateco1 test is tomorrow! wah! what a day to expect. and to think that it's valentine's day! isn't that the day of love? well if anyone loves me that much, please save me form my distress! lol:)

6.) i hate my relsone teacher! for what reason? nothing. i just hate him! period.

7.) econtwo test is so difficult! it took my head off my body!

so that's about it. thank you for reading my update. hope that you'll leave some messages:)

golly banana

2005-10-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

we did not become the champions this uaap season. actually, that really made me feel depressed. not because i'm attached to the game or anything like that, it's just because i really liked to experience the feeling of fulfillment for our school, now that i am a part of La Salle. i guess, i just wanted to feel for the first time how it is like to be a champion especially in uaap. well, partly because, i am beginning to love my school. i guess it is not bad after all to ba a lasallian. right?

anyway, back to the champioship blahblah, sigh, maybe it is not time for us to win the game. ha! what am i thinking? i told you i'm beginning to be obsessed with la salle.

as a matter of fact, FEU really did a great job during the games. they really are powerful in terms of defense and yeah, offense. in short, they are really powerful. :)

P.S. Please do leave me a message in my cbox!:) it would be highly appreciated;P

hello:)

2005-10-04T09:54:00.000+08:00

hey everyone! grabe, tindi nitong post na 'to ha. i am currently in my computer class. kanina, wala pa si miss. ngayon dito na siya. wah! may test kami! wah! ok lang. at least i know what to do. it's about the equation thingy in Ms word. kaya it's ok:) well, gotta go. start na! haha!

so many thoughts in my mind

2005-09-22T14:17:00.000+08:00

actually, i really don't have to tell you what are inside my mind right now. it's just that i'm beginning to feel over stressed. too many works in school once again, at the same time, i'm being pulled into wanting to be a part of a musical chorale. speaking of that musical chorale, you should hear them perform! i mean, they are really great! i know not every person who are reading this right now would even like to listen to chorale music, but believe me, they are really great! because of that, i was inspired to dream of being a member. someday, when i would be able to balance my activities both in school and outside school. as a matter of fact, i need to focus in my studies to maintain my being a dean's lister. i hope i could also maintain being first honors (*bites lips*)...

another post for my new and edited blog

2005-09-09T18:18:00.000+08:00

hey guys! due to the insistent demand of my cousin, i am now through making her blog. she wanted it to be orange and green (which was definitely me before) and wanted to have *our* song as background...

anyway, check it out at this *site*.

it's kinda cool in fairness to me...lol!!!^_^

that's it for now! 'till next bloggin'!

I am oh sooooo HAPPY!

2005-09-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

Finally I've finished making this blog. Well, thanks to Eunika, I got this page more exciting, rather than the boring past of it. Anyway, I love it! I think it's perfect! That's it! Till next post!

Insanely Bored

2005-09-07T16:33:00.000+08:00

What the heck am I going to do? I hate being here at home. I am only left with three things to do. Sleep, eat, and surf. Yep. That is what I've been doing these days and I'm getting tired of this daily routine! Somebody please come here and join me! I am getting crazier every minute. Ha! I hate not being at school. Especially during these days. When everyone you know are busy at school, and you are left with only your school mates sharing the joy of having a break. Maybe this is what is difficult with having a trimestral format, or whatever you may call it. I wish my school would change it to two semesters only. That way, I could enjoy every break.

Anyway, I am quite happy when the DSL guys finally arrived after what seems to be eternity of waiting for them. Thank God we now have DSL. Now we don't have to worry about our browsing. It would be easier and faster. I hope. Maybe. Anyway, I just cherish this moment that I finally got a DSL. By the way, it's cheaper.

Family fights are a problem for me. It's affecting me even more during the past few days. Why? Well, it's mostly because of me why these fights happen. I certainly want my family to be normal again. But I guess they can't seem to see what my purpose really is in doing everything I am doing now. I guess I really have a big mouth to the point of getting my dad furious about my attitude. He told me I was being insensitive and rebellious. But, I guess he is somewhat right about how I acted that night. I hope that moment would go back again in that way I can control my mouth from spilling too much words. You know, psychology classes really helps you a lot. Everything that 's happening nowadays can be explained by our lessons and I'm so glad. Now I don't have to worry about finding out why I acted that way. But I can't seem to forgive myself when dad's forgiven me. Maybe it is time for me to forget about it.

Anyway, too much for filling this post with so much emotions. I guess I need some time to relax. Wait, I am too much relaxed! I need something to do! Please, anyone! Give me some task or something! Just to keep me busy! Please?

Wonderfully and Extravagantly Paid Off

2005-09-02T13:58:00.000+08:00

Whew! What a day that was yesterday! My mom and I enjoyed our bond. How did we bond you might ask? Well, what do most mother and daughter do? Well, it's a simple answer and I think most mother and daughter would undoubtedly agree with me. SHOPPING!

What a blast! Ok, so here's how yesterday happened. First, we rode a tricycle to Rotonda, and then an FX to Ayala...wait a minute, you don't care do you? Ok, I'll not go on with those specific stuff so as not to get really, really bored. Ok, so we went to my mom's first office, whose name I won't mention. There she got what she has been planning to pick up the moment she woke up. Next, we ate at Wendy's. Now, that lunch wasn't that bad after all. Except that it costs millions! Nah. you know I was exaggerating. Anyway, then we shopped at the "Arcade", yeah, that's how my mom called it. It's the tiangge thingy under Greenbelt 1, I guess. But who cares! What matters is that we shopped! Wah! And who got the most number of items? Well, no questions asked, ME! Yah! All the items all belonged to me! Ha! Of course, thanks to my now thin body, many clothes I fitted was nice on me so we bought it. Yeah! Hell, yeah!

Next stop, we went to the second company my mom worked for to pick up the same kind of document. Now forgive me but I really want to tell you the details on how we went there. First, we have to look for a jeepney ride to Libertad. That's where the station is. To cut the long story short, my mom was asking the driver, "Mama, magkano ba?" Then all the people were like, "May token diyan sa baba!" Then my mom said, "Ah, ganun ba? magkano ba?" "Kinse.", another one said. My mom then handed them 30. Then the old lady who was besdie her suddenly uttered, "Hindi! Kinse na kayong dalawa!" Wah! Isn't that embarrassing for us? How innocent we were that time! But never mind. It was one heck of a show! Anyway, so we rode the LRT to UN Avenue. Then we rode a Pedicub to the building of her old officem, just to know that it was in the building which we have seen and talked about a while ago, in where the person she was looking for was stationed. And we were left with nothing, but to walk. Although we were tired and beautiful, we were being that contented with that moment. That moment made me feel closer to her again! I'd love to bring those times back.

After having the needed document, we then went to Mandaluyong for a shop in the, guess what? Ukay-Ukay! Haha! Yeah, we are Ukay freaks! Just so you know, most of our dress came from there. Of course, I got most of the items again! My mom was very much envy of me. But I was just smiling and thinking to myself. I am so happy that day. Thanks mom, for making me really, really happy.

All the hard work I had during school, they were wonderfully and extravagantly paid off. I love you Mom! You are the best. Believe me. Not only because of yesterday, but everyday of my life!

Whoa! It's not even mother's day, is it? Never mind. Let me do my own thing, okay?

Freedom from Hell, or is it?

2005-08-30T09:22:00.000+08:00

Hi there! I'm back to reality! Ha! Well, i guess so. Last week was a total bummer. It was finals week! That is the reason I didn't have time to write here. But it's fine now. I've got two weeks of relaxation and enjoyment! Ha! So long school!!! Wahahahaha!

Ok, being serious now, I am kinda frustrated now. It's because of my Math. I hate to admit it but I was so "tamad" to see and ask my teacher about adding my grade that today that I really want to see her, it's too late! Well, I guess it was my fault really. Now I am so sorry. Good bye First Honor spot! Welcome, to whatever spot I would be...sigh...

Yesterday was a sad day. I received two text messages from two different friends about two saddening news. Ok, let's begin with the light one. First, my friend is in the hospital. In the ICU specifically. He had a heart attack early morning. My reaction was like, "WHOA!" because of the first text message I received which was "Please be informed that our batchmate ____ ____ died last Friday..." Ok so, now I'm really informed! And I was freaking out! To think that I was in the Chruch service those times. Life is so unpredictable. You never know what will happen. Sometimes those people who are really jolly and healthy looking were the ones who get to have those kinds of problems. By the way, my batchmate died of heart attack too. See that! That made me freak out the moment I received the second text message! Anyway, I prayed for thme and their family. Maybe that would be good for them.

Well, that's it! I really miss writing...It brings out the real me! Till next time!

The Winds that Blow Me Away

2005-07-31T01:12:00.000+08:00

I am very much inspired these days...Ask me why? Three things:

I got the highest score in History, along with my other classmate/friend (you know who you are). It's been rewarding to know that your hard work and patience are sufficiently paid. I especially thank my God for doing this to me. I know He never gives me things that I do not deserve. Heck, I just can not believe that I have done this! Imagine, getting a hundred percent in History? What better thing would win over this kind of happening? During highschool, I really never excelled in History classes. In fact, my grades are just in the middle. But now? Oh my, a hundred percent? God, I really just can not simply thank you for allowing me to experience this. Thank you for continually doing this to me. You have blest me and protected me, continuously providing me the right things that I may be good and pleasant in Your eyes. I love you God! Forever!

Second, what is my second reason by the way? Well, my dogs inspire me a lot. They take all my problems and stress all away! I really can't live without them. That's why I love them! Sassy, Chelsea and Matt, very cute doggies.

I have friends now! Confused? Well, remember that before, I really feel isolated and alone? Well, now, I have realized that the problem is mwah. It's just that I make myself think that way so I felt that way at first. Now that I have changed my outlook in life, I can no longer say that I am alone. A special thanks to all my friends. Well, to be more specific, I thank my bestfriend, Tricia. I really love this girl. Well, she knows that. Even if we often have misunderstandings, I would never give up our friendship and bond. It's just that she completes me, and I hope I complete her. Wee! I also that the Fetus Club. They keep me company through the whole week. The stress that I feel because of too much studying is always forgotten everytime I hear their corny jokes and see their happy faces. You inspire me guys. You make me go on. You make me feel that life is fun and there is no need to focus my attention to one specific aspect. You make me look at life at a wider view and that makes me a stronger person.

Well, that's it. Three things that inspires me these days.

Now, I return to my busy mode...STUDY!

Bye and I hope to write sooner. :)

The Unpredictable Me

2005-07-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

Ok. So who is Halee really? Well, I am totally abnormal. Before you would think of anything else, abnormal in the sense that I tend to behave differently depending on my mood. I know that it is not that good to be a moody person, but what can I do right? But i guess it is not suppose to be because it greatly affects everything, and I mean everything in my life. Oh, what a life! Sometimes I tend to think that life is so unfair. That life is beautiful to those person to whom it loves and sorrowful to those it does not love. Maybe life does not really love me after all, if that's the case. But I have thought about it, and I have come to conclusion that every person is living imperfectly. Imperfect in the sense that not everyday, they experience exceeding happiness and success. It is just that I limit the feeling to myself that I tend lose grip of the opportunities life has to offer me. God does not like that to happen. Thanks to Him, I have restored my inner happiness.

You know sometimes, I feel alone. You know that feeling that you are with a group of friends. Everything is going so well, until some time, you feel disconnected with them. That is what I normally feel around my friends. I feel that their hearts are really not in tune with mine. It's just that I feel I don't belong. I also feel that they do not even want me there with them. Like I was an extra or something like that. I really do not know the reason why I feel these things. Is I who is the problem? Or is it them? I really need someone to share this problem and I hope someone could help me cope with it.

One thing that is making me happy today in spite of every mistake in my life is my being chosen as Mary in our choir cantata. At least that is one thing that I can be really proud of. I'm happy because it has been my dream of being a cast in a musical drama.

Thank you.Halee.